I think I’ve been on this before but I keep circling back because I haven’t had my fill yet. Yes, double en-tendre’s are fun.
I need a man. A controlling man. I’m not sure that means one of those “Alpha” men as most of them have personalities that are so grating I couldn’t stand to be around them, but a man who is confident and gives off a vibe that is Alpha adjacent. Someone who could command respect but not fear. He would be demanding, but in a way that makes me want to do whatever he asked and have that charge of electricity run through my body because I’m doing it for him. Even that I think I’m doing it for him instead of for me, or that I would get satisfaction (or even feel euphoric) that I’m doing what he wants.
I need a man to tell me to satisfy him.
I want a man to tell me what to do and to be his little fuck slave.
You’d think something like this would be easy to come across with things like Grindr out there, but my god it is not.
There are so many men available, especially in a rural community, but none of them offer what I want or need. They are all the typical type of men that women have been fending off for so many years. Its funny that someone looking for a homosexual exchange is dealing with the same thing.
These men just want a quick meet. A slide his dick in my mouth until he cums and then run. This all sounds well and dandy at the forefront, especially for someone with such a slutty need to gag on cocks and turn himself gay (that is meant strictly in a mindfuck, fantasy aspect with a dash of reality thrown in. In other words, maybe a post for another day).
The problem is that these men want to share nothing about themselves. I’m not talking about their address, credit card numbers, job location or last name. They don’t want to make themselves out to be a real person that is able to lessen the fear of meeting some psycho that is going to fuck up my life.
I started talking with a guy the other day and he wanted to hook up right then. Immediately upon messaging.
I told him I like to get to know people first, find out if they’re trustworthy or not before I was gagging on their cock. In reality its kind of used as a filtering system. Most guys will stop talking to me instantly if I say that. Other guys will fade off pretty quickly, while the remaining guys will show how incredibly dull they are, this guy fit into the last category.
He asked what I was doing, so I told him I was at work.
He asked what I was doing later, so I told him I’d probably be watching tv.
He asked what shows, so I told him.
It was the most dull conversation and eventually I stopped responding because the guy had no personality. This might be considered unfair, because he was trying but I thought of it as a sign that he was not worth the effort. He didn’t feel like he was putting any effort in. The questions were so basic and there was no follow up. The man I need/want is someone who’s able to carry a conversation, or at least add to it. Hooking up with a stranger online is sketchy as it is, I’m not doing it for some random guy with no personality.
The man I want is going to coax me into giving up all of my kinks. He’s going to make me feel like I want to drop everything and go be his cock slave. I’ll see a message from him and instantly get hard. He’ll give me butterflies and be a source of never ending arousal. He’ll be my sexual god that I will worship.
A man that will get me to dive deep into the sexual abyss that is my mind and pull out all of the fun activities I’ve wanted to do for years, and even some things I never knew I wanted.
He’ll lay in bed with me and have me nursing his cock as he records my lips sucking tightly and my head bobbing up and down. All he will have to do is tell me to tell the camera I’m a faggot and I’ll pull my lips off of his cock and look up at him and say it. He’ll then coach me into admitting it.
“Tell everyone how much you love sucking cock,” he’ll say.
My lips will pull off his dick as I look up at him while laying naked between his legs on the bed.
“I love sucking cock. I’m such a fucking cock whore.”
“You certainly are,” he’ll say with a small smirk on his lips.
“Now tell everyone that you’re a faggot.”
I would feel my cock get extremely erect. It was in a loosely hard state at that point, not fully erect but enough from the grinding I was doing into his shin. As I heard him say it my heart would race and I’d feel flush, the feeling of the words running up my throat causing my head to swim.
“I’m a faggot,” my voice would stutter slightly.
“Say it again with more confidence. Tell everyone what you really are. Tell them so they all know when they see you.”
Nodding, I’d take a short breath and say it again without a stutter, “I’m a faggot.”
“Good boy. Now tell everyone that you’re gay. That’s why you went on Grindr. That’s why you were looking for someone to suck their cock. Tell them that you were looking for a boyfriend but you were too conflicted inside to admit the faggot inside of you wanted to come out. Tell them that the thought of being in a relationship with another man makes your dick hard. That you never really liked pussy and that’s why you’re here with me. That you’d be happy never feeling the inside of a pussy again but you’d miss cock.”
I’m feeling needy, like all I want to do is dive onto his cock hearing him say all of this. That I want him fucking me so while my words spill from my mouth in between moans as I admit to being gay his cock is deep inside of me making it permanent. I wanted it so bad.
I would grab his cock and lick it like a lollipop, holding it in my hand and pumping it . I looked up at him and spewed everything he just said back at him. My hips rocking against his shin, his foot curled upward teasing my ass cheeks.
“I am. I’m gay. I’m a faggot. I only want cock. I never want to fuck a pussy again. I want to be used by men and fucked from both ends while being jerked off. I secretly make myself cum to pictures of cock and gay conversion porn because I want to admit that I’m gay. I want a boyfriend. I want to kiss him and tell him that I love him and have him fuck me every night. I want to ask a man to be my boyfriend and every time I see him I’ll kiss him, hug him and tell him how much I missed him. I’ll hold his hand in public and peck his lips and say that I love him. I want to be in a homosexual relationship with another man.”
My hips rock faster as more words come out of my mouth until I cum all over his leg, shivering and shuddering while I tell the camera I’m gay.
As I type all this I’m squeezing my thighs together. I’m rock hard. I just want to rub my cock until I fill my pants with cum and then sit in it. I want a man to move me to do all of this. Someone who has such an amazing control over me that he can make me do and say things that give me such an incredible feeling. A man that will make me abandon everything and be his personal fuck toy. A man that will push me beyond the edge of all of what I’ve wanted.
Is that too much to ask?